If you’ve been here awhile you know I have a complex and complicated relationship with my former husband, Eric. We have been divorced for 15 years, but he would be my second call if I was in real trouble. And honestly, he is one of the only people I will take advice from.

I was watching Facebook Reels a little while ago and the song “Lips of an Angel” came across my feed. It made me think of our current relationship…his lady hates me (with cause probably) and my partner doesn’t care if I talk to Eric or not. We have to talk on the down low because, well, we each have other people. But we still talk or text regularly. It makes me wonder what name I am saved under in his phone…

Today, September 13 , would have been our 24th wedding anniversary, and next Friday, September 18, he is marrying his new lady. When he told me that, it hurt a whole lot. I wasn’t ready for that. Somewhere in my little dreamer mind I always figured we would end up back together, despite our history. Now I realize that history is, in his mind at least, insurmountable. Eric is probably right from his perspective. His family never liked me because I grew up poor, ill mannered, and mixed race, plus I was wildly out of control.

I would not be the woman I am today if I had stayed married to Eric. That’s the truth. I love him still and will until I die. He is a part of my family, but he’s not right for me, really. I am too much of a free spirit now…even more of a dreamer and doer than I would have been able to be as his wife. There’s way more to this world than small town Minnesota. Granted, I live in a small town in South Carolina now, but it aligns better with who I have and continue to become. My horizons are much more open these days. I’m enjoying my everyday life, not only enduring it until my retirement.

Today I mourn our old relationship. I have to put new boundaries in place to respect his marriage. I can’t lean on him the way I do now, it’s not fair to his new wife. He will be a husband again and will need to act like one. It’s gonna suck…a lot. I’m truly losing one of my closest friends. Our divorce didn’t do that. This new marriage will.

I hope beyond hope that he’s happy. Eric deserves that. I want him to be more content than he’s ever been. I can want the best for him, even if it isn’t with me. Is that weird? Probably. I still love him though.